SONG OF SOLOMON 2:8-15, PROVERBS 14:8-15.
INTRODUCTION: The two most important decisions of every person’s life are usually faced and resolved in youth: whether or not to follow Christ and whom to marry. Unfortunately, most of the opposite sex relationship during youth age never get to the anticipated bus-stop – marriage. And the ladies who always suffer more in any relationship setbacks will definitely pay more than the guys emotionally and psychologically. This fact makes it very important for every young lady to know how to handle setbacks in opposite sex relationship.
Why should one deal with setbacks, when you can easily avoid or prevent it. You know before that all-too-painful relationship arises, there are ways to prevent it. Majority of the setbacks encounter in opposite sex relationships are caused by lack of communication and misunderstanding between the sexes. Here are some pieces of advice to make your relationship a slice of heaven (or wake you up, whichever is applicable!).
TIPS ON HOW TO AVOID SETBACKS
1. Know What Is Right For You Now.
To be able to make the right decisions in relationships, you must first ‘know’ what is right. If you have to choose to marry or stay single for a few years more, what would you choose?
You should not get into relationship because someone else thinks you should. Let it be because you’ve found someone to love for the rest of your life. And that you’re ready for it.
2. Define What You Want In A Relationship Before Going Into One.
Make a realistic profile of your dream guy before meeting him. This will help you to avoid those who are likely to break your heart. Just like making a list before going to market based on how much money you have.
3. Avoid Unrealistic Expectations.
When you expect too much from a relationship, then you are bound to be heartbroken. Once what you anticipated is unfulfilled, your doubt would creep in and love would start crawling out of the relationship.
Some people are waiting for that special person who will meet all their needs and brings purpose and fulfillment to their lives. A relationship like marriage doesn’t transform unhappy people into happy people.
4. Avoid Desperate Decisions.
A desperate person has a sense of urgency about finding a mate. Unfortunately, their urge-to-merge strategy scares off potential mates instead of attracting them. That’s one secret I wish every lady should know.
Those desperate to get married, risk lowering their sexual standards to keep a relationship.
Desperate singles are sometimes found lurking around social gatherings – graduations, funerals, and birthday parties.
5. Avoid Unnecessary Worry.
Most ladies always worry that their man will be swept off freely by another fast girl. Obviously, we are living in a falling world where anything can happen, but God is still in control.
It is my belief that if God has called you to be married, he does have just one person for you. And no one can thwart his plan – Job 42:2. We shouldn’t ignore God’s sovereignty in our lives as Christians.
6. Keep Your Focus On Jesus.
Most singles are so preoccupied with finding Mr. Right that they miss what God has for them.
Become obsessed, not with finding a mate, but with loving God and loving people generally. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart – Psalm 37:4.
7. Avoid Making Wrong Choices.
You’ll know you’re making wrong choices when:
· Your relationship principle is “First-Available Syndrome – you are so desperate for relationship that you settle for the first available person, even if he’s not close to what you’ll call Mr. Perfect.
· You’re fooled by the externals – you’re looking for the wrong things in a relationship, and are fooled by superficial qualities. Comprehending only what is obvious; not deep or penetrating emotionally or intellectually.
· You’re blinded by getting physical – you can’t see the negative traits in your partner because of the sexual relationship, that’s why they said that “love is blind”.
· You’re going too fast – you’re in such a big hurry to get married that you ignore important road signs along the relationship high way.
THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE FORMALIZING A RELATIONSHIP
1. Common Belief.
This aspect is very important if you anticipate the relationship to terminate in marriage, because our common belief is a philosophy which determines our life-style; and people with different life styles can’t have a cordial relationship.
2. Shared Values.
Values are the philosophy of a person on how to live or how to deal with a situation in which he have an emotional investment (either for or against something)
Our values are shaped by our common beliefs, education, home up bringing, social backgrounds, environments, etc.
So you’re bound to have a lot of disagreement if you don’t share the same values.
3. Social Class.
Most people overlook this because they’ve seen people from different social class happily married. It should be recognized that wide social differences may cause setbacks in opposite sex relationships.
4. Educational Level.
Any relationship between two people includes an important intellectual section involving conversations and activities, which becomes more complicated when there are large differences between partners in terms of educational level.
5. Age Difference.
It is true that age is no barrier to opposite sex relationships. But this can break a relationship especially when the older person is over protective; or the younger person begins to feel belittled because of his or her age.
6. Personality.
It is very important to observe the traits and characteristics of your potential partner. Personality is the result of both character and temperament.
Character is the learnt component in our personality which can be modify, while temperament is our inherited organic system which cannot be modify.
DOES OPPOSITE SEX REALLY ATTRACT?
Knowing exactly whom you want is just one side of the coin. Who you are and who you would become when you go into a relationship is an important factor.
Most relationships are successful because both parties have learned to acknowledge and appreciate their partner’s different temperament. Your relationship is bound to fail if you don’t acknowledge the significant differences in you based on your temperaments. These differences are what attracted both of you to each other in the first place.
“Opposites attract.” This is as far as electromagnetism is concerned. Negative is never attracted to another negative; instead negatives are attracted to positives and vice versa. How about in human relationships, is there such a law of attraction? Is attraction just a matter of chemistry, or is there something more to it?
Have you ever wonder what attracts you to other people? It’s your perception of your potential partner’s personality that attracts you to him.
In the animal kingdom, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. Most scientists have asserted that these chemicals do not exist, or if these indeed exist, these chemicals do not play a role in opposite sex attraction between a man and a woman.
Does personality play any role in opposite sex attraction?
Yes it does. It is your perception of your potential partner’s unique personality that attracts you to him.
What does this tell you? You may have preference with regard to personality types and this explains your attraction to a particular person. However, the actual personality of the person can only be verified through close interaction through time..
So, how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is just a prelude. Attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. Attraction makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more,
attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in establishing long-term relationships.
If this is the case, should one stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, you should work on all aspects of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Physical attraction is just an originator in a relationship.
CONCLUSION: To cap it all, what is important is to know what you really want in a relationship; be ready to forgive when offended; and be a living proof of what you would want your partner to be – Matthew 7:12. You see, respect begets respect, trust brings about trust, and love sows love. Never pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause disappointments.
As mentioned earlier, a person’s sense of self-security matters more than just physical attractiveness. Just be yourself!
You should also know that relationship requires high level of adjustment. Adjustment in relationship is simply learning to adapt to your partner’s weaknesses while strengthening your own.
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