DEALING WITH SETBACKS TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

 

 

     SONG OF SOLOMON 2:8-15, PROVERBS 14:8-15.

INTRODUCTION: The two most important decisions of every person’s life are usually faced and resolved in youth: whether or not to follow Christ and whom to marry. Unfortunately, most of the opposite sex relationship during youth age never get to the anticipated bus-stop – marriage. And the ladies who always suffer more in any relationship setbacks will definitely pay more than the guys emotionally and psychologically. This fact makes it very important for every young lady to know how to handle setbacks in opposite sex relationship.

Why should one deal with setbacks, when you can easily avoid or prevent it. You know before that all-too-painful relationship arises, there are ways to prevent it. Majority of the setbacks encounter in opposite sex relationships are caused by lack of communication and misunderstanding between the sexes. Here are some pieces of advice to make your relationship a slice of heaven (or wake you up, whichever is applicable!).

TIPS ON HOW TO AVOID SETBACKS
 

1.      Know What Is Right For You Now.

To be able to make the right decisions in relationships, you must first ‘know’ what is right. If you have to choose to marry or stay single for a few years more, what would you choose?

You should not get into relationship because someone else thinks you should. Let it be because you’ve found someone to love for the rest of your life. And that you’re ready for it.

2.      Define What You Want In A Relationship Before Going Into One.

Make a realistic profile of your dream guy before meeting him. This will help you to avoid those who are likely to break your heart. Just like making a list before going to market based on how much money you have.

 

3.      Avoid Unrealistic Expectations.

When you expect too much from a relationship, then you are bound to be heartbroken. Once what you anticipated is unfulfilled, your doubt would creep in and love would start crawling out of the relationship.

Some people are waiting for that special person who will meet all their needs and brings purpose and fulfillment to their lives. A relationship like marriage doesn’t transform unhappy people into happy people.

 

4.      Avoid Desperate Decisions.

A desperate person has a sense of urgency about finding a mate. Unfortunately, their urge-to-merge strategy scares off potential mates instead of attracting them. That’s one secret I wish every lady should know.

Those desperate to get married, risk lowering their sexual standards to keep a relationship.

Desperate singles are sometimes found lurking around social gatherings – graduations, funerals, and birthday parties.

 

5.      Avoid Unnecessary Worry.

Most ladies always worry that their man will be swept off freely by another fast girl. Obviously, we are living in a falling world where anything can happen, but God is still in control.

It is my belief that if God has called you to be married, he does have just one person for you. And no one can thwart his plan – Job 42:2. We shouldn’t ignore God’s sovereignty in our lives as Christians.

 

6.      Keep Your Focus On Jesus.

Most singles are so preoccupied with finding Mr. Right that they miss what God has for them.

Become obsessed, not with finding a mate, but with loving God and loving people generally. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart – Psalm 37:4. 

7.      Avoid Making Wrong Choices.

You’ll know you’re making wrong choices when:

·         Your relationship principle is “First-Available Syndrome – you are so desperate for relationship that you settle for the first available person, even if he’s not close to what you’ll call Mr. Perfect.

·         You’re fooled by the externals – you’re looking for the wrong things in a relationship, and are fooled by superficial qualities. Comprehending only what is obvious; not deep or penetrating emotionally or intellectually.

·          You’re blinded by getting physical – you can’t see the negative traits in your partner because of the sexual relationship, that’s why they said that “love is blind”.

·         You’re going too fast – you’re in such a big hurry to get married that you ignore important road signs along the relationship high way.

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE FORMALIZING A RELATIONSHIP
 

1.      Common Belief.

This aspect is very important if you anticipate the relationship to terminate in marriage, because our common belief is a philosophy which determines our life-style; and people with different life styles can’t have a cordial relationship.

2.      Shared Values.

Values are the philosophy of a person on how to live or how to deal with a situation in which he have an emotional investment (either for or against something)

Our values are shaped by our common beliefs, education, home up bringing, social backgrounds, environments, etc.

So you’re bound to have a lot of disagreement if you don’t share the same values.

3.      Social Class.

Most people overlook this because they’ve seen people from different social class happily married. It should be recognized that wide social differences may cause setbacks in opposite sex relationships.

4.      Educational Level.

Any relationship between two people includes an important intellectual section involving conversations and activities, which becomes more complicated when there are large differences between partners in terms of educational level.

5.      Age Difference.

It is true that age is no barrier to opposite sex relationships. But this can break a relationship especially when the older person is over protective; or the younger person begins to feel belittled because of his or her age.

6.      Personality.

It is very important to observe the traits and characteristics of your potential partner. Personality is the result of both character and temperament.

Character is the learnt component in our personality which can be modify, while temperament is our inherited organic system which cannot be modify.

DOES OPPOSITE SEX REALLY ATTRACT?

Knowing exactly whom you want is just one side of the coin. Who you are and who you would become when you go into a relationship is an important factor.

Most relationships are successful because both parties have learned to acknowledge and appreciate their partner’s different temperament. Your relationship is bound to fail if you don’t acknowledge the significant differences in you based on your temperaments. These differences are what attracted both of you to each other in the first place.

“Opposites attract.” This is as far as electromagnetism is concerned. Negative is never attracted to another negative; instead negatives are attracted to positives and vice versa. How about in human relationships, is there such a law of attraction? Is attraction just a matter of chemistry, or is there something more to it?

Have you ever wonder what attracts you to other people? It’s your perception of your potential partner’s personality that attracts you to him.

In the animal kingdom, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. Most scientists have asserted that these chemicals do not exist, or if these indeed exist, these chemicals do not play a role in opposite sex attraction between a man and a woman.

Does personality play any role in opposite sex attraction?

Yes it does. It is your perception of your potential partner’s unique personality that attracts you to him.

What does this tell you? You may have preference with regard to personality types and this explains your attraction to a particular person. However, the actual personality of the person can only be verified through close interaction through time..

So, how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is just a prelude. Attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. Attraction makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more,

attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in establishing long-term relationships.

If this is the case, should one stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, you should work on all aspects of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Physical attraction is just an originator in a relationship.

CONCLUSION: To cap it all, what is important is to know what you really want in a relationship; be ready to forgive when offended; and be a living proof of what you would want your partner to be – Matthew 7:12. You see, respect begets respect, trust brings about trust, and love sows love. Never pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause disappointments.

As mentioned earlier, a person’s sense of self-security matters more than just physical attractiveness. Just be yourself!

You should also know that relationship requires high level of adjustment. Adjustment in relationship is simply learning to adapt to your partner’s weaknesses while strengthening your own.

 

	BY: UNCLE BISHOP           bishopcares@yahoo.com     0242207443

 

SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS

TEXT:   EPHESIANS 4:3-6             

FOCUS: Christ has destroyed the walls of prejudice through his death on the cross.

 

OPENING LINES:

It is common to notice in every secondary school, that they are 5-10 students who are exclusively special. Not officially recognized, but they seem to be causing a lot of things to happen. They possess subjective forms of beauty, style, intelligence, and other types of special skills. They draw people to themselves, students not quite their caliber, but who wish they could be. These special groups of students get along with all of the teachers, gain all kinds of glory through school programmes, and have an influential presence in just about every special activity in school.

 

BETWEEN THE LINES:

 

Describe the characteristics that make you stand out in the crowd. It could be anything from your looks, economic status, intelligence, personality, beliefs, talents, or skills.

 

Is there a certain characteristic that put you off when you see it in someone else? Explain. How could this personal dislike in you lead to discrimination?

 

How do you think God wants us to relate to others despite their looks, economic status, intelligence, personality traits, belief, talents, or skills? Rom. 12:14-18, Eph. 4:16.

 

Do you agree with these passages; is it possible to accept and be kind to every single person you come in contact with in life? Explain.

 

If someone is discriminating against you, what God-like thing could you do that would make it beneficial for them to stop?

 

 

CLOSING LINES: 

When we allow discrimination walls to fortify in our relationship with people around us, coming to an agreement on any issue will be impossible. There are all kinds of walls or barriers between people in your school and church, individually or with a group. Choose a particular barrier and develop a plan for breaking it down. Write down some specific steps you can take this week to reconcile the divided relationships this barrier has created.

 

WHO’S PUSHING ME?

 

OPENING LINES:

Frank was home alone during school vacation, when Johnson one of his class mates visited and he suggested they call one of the popular girls in their school. Frank called, and she invited them to a party in her house. “My parents are out of town, and it’s going to be a blast”, she said. Without too much hesitation, they went.

When they arrived, they were overwhelmed by all the sports cars parked outside, once inside, Frank was even more baffled. He had never seen such cool-looking youths in his life. The girls were all awesome, and the guys were good-looking too. It was almost as if he had found himself among movie stars.

As the party progressed, so did the drinking of alcohols. Though Frank still felt that taking alcohol is not right for him as a Christian, but he was afraid he’ll look odd among this sophisticated set of people if he declines the offer.

Later, he stumbled into a room filled with bodies and blue smoke. It suddenly hit him that they were all getting high. Before he could think of what to do, Johnson handed him a joint and said, “C’mon, Frank, go ahead; this stuff is incredible!” Everyone in the room was suddenly looking at him. All the sophisticated faces were staring, waiting to see if he is “cool”. Hey! don’t tell me you’re too holy for us, said one of the guys. He sheepishly sat down, and was initiated into the world of drugs that evening against his wish.

The following morning being Sunday, Frank couldn’t go to church. He was overwhelmed by guilt from yesterday’s incident, especially, remembering how he messed around sexually under the influence of alcohol and drugs.

 

BETWEEN THE LINES:

What do you think Frank would’ve done,? These people were all rich and seemingly famous. Anyone else could have cared for their approval and acceptance, so saying no was out of the question because; they would have thought he was a Colo!

 

What do you think are the unique peer pressures Christian youth faces today the most as a result of being Christians?

 

What exactly do you think Solomon meant in Proverbs 29:25, when he says “fear of man”?

In 1 Samuel 15:24, King Saul explains why he disobeyed God’s command. What can you pick out from this passage about peer pressure?

 

Do you see the truth of Proverbs 29:25 in your own life? When in your life have you been ensnared by compromising your standard as a Christian because of the fear of what people will think or say about you? Explain.

Have your action in anywhere led others astray? (Galatians 2:11-13)

 

What practical things do you need to do from now onward to be able to handle the heat of peer pressure?

Surround yourself with support – Dan. 3:16, Eccl. 4:12

Stick to what is right – Dan. 3:18, Isaiah 1:17

Put your trust in God – Dan. 3:17, Prov. 3:5

 

CLOSSING LINES:

The reason it’s called peer PRESURE is because it’s tough…if it wasn’t tough, it wouldn’t be called pressure!  But you know what right in the situation…has the guts to do it! Secondly, only you really make the decisions about whom you will allow to be your influential peers, and to what degree they will make demands on you. Not only do you conform to please them, they also control you. I guess that’s not what you want!

 

Just Because You’re FACING the FIRE Doesn’t Mean You’re Going to Get FRIED!

EXORCISING DEMONIC INFLUENCES

 

TEXT:   EPHESIANS 6:10-18

FOCUS: To help students discover how Christians can fight and thwart the works of Satan.

 

OPENING LINES:

The American is notorious presently for its sophisticated war tactics and military strength. Their soldiers are equipped with the latest technological advances in weaponry and armory so they would not be conquered easily by opposing army. They spend millions of dollar to upgrade their weapons and armors, because their victory depends on them.

Though we may not belong to a branch of the military, Paul in our text today acknowledges that we are at war too. Evil forces in the spiritual realm wages war against us daily. This discussion will help us to know the best weaponry and armory to use to exorcize the devil and his demons.

 

BETWEEN THE LINES:

 

How much truth is there in the fictional movies we see about Satan and demons? Why do you think Satan and demons really exist, and have such power to influence humans negatively?

 

What are the three common ways Satan attack young people today? And why do you choose these three against others?

 

Which of the armor listed in Eph. 6:14-18, do you think is the most important during wartime? Explain your answer.

Look closely at verse 11-13, why do you think Paul advices Christians to put on ALL the armor?

 

Base on your answer above, draw an analogy to demonic warfare. How would you use each of these weapons and shielding devices?

 

What do you think are some of the specific evil influences you expect to encounter this week? Which of these weapons would be the most useful, and how are you going to use them?

 

 

CLOSING LINES:

Supernatural evil powers – the devil and his demons – are real. People have witnessed their activities all over the world, and occasionally we have seen evil powers take over humans as portrayed in some movies. But according to our lesson, God has given us spiritual strategies to overcome these evil forces.

You have been given extremely important information for defeating demonic forces and their agents, but this information will do you no good except you put it into practice. So start using this information this week.

 

TURN ON THE LIGHTS

 

TEXT:   EPHESIANS 5:3-14

FOCUS: To realize that they are light in the world, and should keep their lights on to expose evil.

 

OPENING LINES:

Dan Allender in Bold Love has this to say: “Evil is present when there is a profound absence of empathy, shame, and goodness. Empathy involves a connectedness to the heart of another and respect for their personal boundaries. An evil person is unmoved by the inner world of the other and has no respect for boundaries….An evil person seems to delight in striping away purpose, individuality, and vitality.”

It’s sometimes hard to tell the difference between good and evil in our society. One of the challenges most teens don’t want to take is to fight against evil in their school or community.

 

BETWEEN THE LINES:

 

If there is a kind of “special light” that exposes evil in a person’s life when he/she walk under it; what percentage of teens do you think will be willing to walk under it? Explain your answer.

 

Base on your personal definition of evil, which areas do you see evil prevailing much at school, at home, among your peers?

 

What exactly do you think Paul mean, when he said we should “expose evil” in Eph.5:11?

What beneficial points can you pick from Eph. 5:7-12 with regards to this lesson?

 

Do you believe the old adage that says; “Evil prevails when good people do nothing”? What actions could you take to stop evil in its tracks at school, among your peers, at home, even if you have little or no power?

 

What practical things do you need to do on a daily basis to keep you from partaking in evil? John 3:20.

 

 

CLOSING LINES:

The truth is that, evil will never prevail, but the battle will always be difficult. Shining a light on evil can be dangerous in itself. Friendships could be lost, you might be placed in physical danger, or people you care about could reject and abandon you.

Though sometimes doing the right things may means unavoidable losses, but always do the right thing. Turn on the lights, because that’s your duty as a Christian in this world – Matthew 5:14.